My Favorite Teacher
*Reprinted With Permission

All families are unique, but our family truly stands out. I am the middle child, sandwiched between two brothers. My older brother Jeffrey, is 23 months older than me. My younger brother, Robbie, is 5 years younger than me. I have two loving parents, who have taught me a lot, but no one has influenced my life more than my older brother Jeffrey. Jeffrey has autism. Jeffrey was diagnosed with autism 6 months after I was born. His unique view of the world has always been typical to me, since it is all I have ever known.

When I was little, I became a natural therapist! My mom spent many hours teaching Jeffrey simple tasks, tasks that I grasped without formal teaching. Through personal experience I became a teacher and didn't even know it. I followed my parents' lead and quickly caught on to the importance of being assertive, yet supportive, in order to gain Jeffrey's interest. When we would play, I was the one who took the lead. Jeffrey didn't know how to play, so I had to show him. Jeffrey didn't know how to talk, so I would model for him. Jeffrey didn't know how to interact with other children, so I would prompt him. Jeffrey didn't always understand what others were saying to him, so I would interpret it for him.

As we grew older, our relationship changed. As if adolescence isn't hard enough, I experienced it with the added challenge of having a brother who stood out. All I wanted was to NOT be noticed, but whenever I was with Jeffrey I suddenly stood out too. This was an uncomfortable time for me. I felt conflicted because what was "normal" to me and my family, was atypical to the people I began to associate with. Making new friends at middle school was easy, but having them over my house was difficult. In my self-absorbed adolescence, I felt Jeffrey's atypical behaviors were a reflection on me. I felt as if I had to explain Jeffrey's behaviors before my new friends even entered the door. Since this was difficult to do, I avoided having friends over. I just wanted my family to be like everyone else's. I just wanted to fit in.

As I matured, I became more comfortable with myself and more importantly, Jeffrey's disability. As I gained self-confidence, I began to invite more friends over to hang out at my house. I quickly realized that Jeffrey's unique behaviors did not change the way my friends felt about me. On the contrary, his autism was often the topic of discussion. My friends were intrigued by Jeffrey's behaviors. They soon noticed he could do many things better than the average person. His ability to memorize and repeat pieces of information baffled us. I suddenly felt proud to have a brother unlike anyone else.

Growing up with a brother with autism has taught me so much about myself. He has taught me patience. He has taught me to be more understanding of differences. He has taught me to be more compassionate toward others. He has taught me to accept people for who they are, not what they look like. He has taught me about the importance of diversity. All these years I thought I was Jeffrey's teacher, but I now realize that he was mine.

— Mallory Nichols

Mallory is 18 years old and a senior in high school. She wrote this essay as part of a college application regarding "someone who has impacted your life."

* The April-June, 2004 • CARD-USF Quarterly

The Department of Child and Family Studies (CFS) is a department of the Louis de la Parte Florida Mental Health Institute, University of South Florida. The faculty and staff of CFS are committed to enhancing the development, mental health and well-being of children and families through leadership in integrating research, theory & practice.